Prepare for the Overlords!

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Saturday, November 15, 2003 :: Post a new topic: "Hi,

Feeling a little down today, and this is the closest thing I can find to a friend so I thought I would leave a message here in the hopes in would make me feel a little better. The thing I seem to keep going over and over lately is the cause of my problems, my inablity to individuate or whatever. It seems to be something that I had to do when I was young. It's like you are who you are and there is nothing you can do about it now. Oh, I work at it every day, but I get the feeling that there is something way deep down inside me that will never change. Once you have an identity that's it. In the case of a borderline. Once you have the absence of an identity that's it. I know tomorrow will be another day. But I also know that I have also faced a certain set of problems that have never changed for my entire life. These could be loosely bound under the heading of 'insanity'. I wish it was different. I wish I could minimize it. A spade is a spade however, and the way I am will never really change. Maybe it's the feeling that I could change that is the real kicker. I mean I feel that there something wrong with me and I think that there is some general agreement to that. But along with that feeling is the feeling is the feeling that there is something that I can do about it. It used to be that it was not recommended that psychiatrists try to treat borderlines because it only made them sicker.

Well, I see I'm having a giant pity party here and I'm getting really burnt out. Surprise, surprise. Thanks for your indulgence. I really appreciate being to voice these feelings. Believe it or not I do feel a little better. Should I just think these things or should I give voice to them? Things rattle around in my head so long. Adios. Keep the faith. "

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eureka, California, United States
As Popeye once said,"I ams what I am." But then again maybe I'm not